Thanks For The Views!

I noticed when I posted yesterday that my view counter had finally passed the 10000 mark. For that, I thank you!

I know it won't seem like much to some, especially those of you with many hundreds of readers. Still, its a big deal for me. I remember the days when the blog first started out, before I had any followers. I had to turn off the 'track my own views' option, as I realised I was the only one visiting! I'm really pleased with the number of readers I have now (although I have apparently lost someone in the night!) - for me its just the right amount, and I can remember everyone's particular journey and style as soon as I see your name!

I never expected to get many, if any, readers. I had started and aborted a couple of other blogs before this one (although they weren't actually about anything in particular), so anticipated that this would be no different. After all, I was just another voice in the cybersphere bemoaning my lot and stating loudly to anyone who would hear that 'this time it would be different, this time I WOULD lose weight!'

Add onto that the fact that I was a male blogger, and not from the US, and I immediately had two major differences from what seems like 90% of the other weight-loss blogs out there! I wasn't sure how relatable my own journey would be, or how many people would want to read it as a result.

Well, I can say that I'm really very fond of you all, and thank you very much for all the support you've given me. I realised the other day, that although I follow several blogs that have already reached goal, and many more that are still striving for it, I don't think I've actually witnessed anyone reaching goal yet. As a thank you for your readership, I want to promise you now that one day, I WILL REACH GOAL. I want to reward your support with a success story, that some of you will have read from beginning to end. There's still a way to go, but I'm ever so close now, and I am going to do it. We're ALL going to do it.

Thank you!

Covenants & Caveats

In my attempt to get this weight loss program working again, I decided to go back to first principles. What I was doing right back at the start was working really quite well, but then I started playing with the system, and things were never quite as successful, or sat as easily with me, as they did back then.

As such, I have gone back to my old ways. I weigh every day now, and have brought back my old spreadsheet (which is the eighth wonder of the world as far as I'm concerned - I really do have a man-crush on the thing). This helps me keep track of everything, by telling me my daily and weekly losses, the rates I'm losing at, how close to all my mini-targets I am, estimated completion dates at this rate of loss etc etc. I don't really know why I ever stopped using it, but its back in a big way!

The diet has gone back to the old system too. This means, basically, no carbs until my evening meal. I have an omelette for breakfast, and then chicken or something for lunch, to try and stick with protein for most of the day. This kept me fairly satisfied in the past, but I added some carbs in the evening to try and avoid going full-Atkins (which I'm still rather wary of). It worked before, so I'm hoping it will help me kick the carb-addiction that I've been giving in to far too often this year.

Those are some general rules, but I also have a few set promises to myself. Some of them might seem impossible, and as such, it might not seem very wise to try and make them a 'rule' per se. But when I started my weight-loss way back when, the weekly target I set myself was, also, far too high. I didn't reach it every week - but rather than deflate me, it was by striving to get as close to that target as I could that actually drove a lot of my old success. So, I'm not too concerned about setting targets that are too hard - they force me to work harder than easy targets ever have!

The following are the new rules. However, each one has an addendum, to give me at least SOME breathing space.

1) I will exercise every day  -  but it doesn't have to be running.

On the days I don't run, I want to start actually doing something else, rather than just writing off exercise altogether. I will do push-ups, sit-ups etc on the days I don't run, and might even throw the weights back into the mix, to try and get some variety.

2) I will weigh-in TWICE a week - but only the Monday one is official

This is to try and combat the pattern of dieting hard over the weekend to score a loss on Monday, and then relaxing and gaining at the start of the week, before repeating the cycle and striving to score a loss again by Monday. Instead, I will report my current weight on Wednesday or Thursday, just to try and encourage me to keep the losses consistent, rather than constantly up and down.

3) I will blog at least 3 times a week - even if just to say hi.

This one is more about making sure I am reading all your blogs too. Since I now keep track of the blogs I follow on my own homepage, I need to make sure I am visiting my own blog regularly, so that I can also keep track of who has updated! It might mean I have more short, pointless posts, but I'd rather be regular like that than forever be making these huge, unwieldy update posts.

4) I will lose weight every week - even if its only 0.1 lbs

This is the questionable one, as I have myself said that, some weeks, there's nothing you can do to avoid a gain. The thing is, I say that, but every gain I've had is because of something I've done wrong, or something I haven't done right. I've been making SO MANY excuses so far this year, and then brushing them off by saying 'at least' this or 'one off' that. I used to be much stricter with myself than this, so this rule is the one I'm most determined to keep. Of course, its also the one I'm most likely to fail in, but at least by aiming for it, I can limit any potential gains to a minimum.

So there, that's a taster of what I've got planned. I also mentioned before that I might have to change what I blog about, in order to blog more often...but in keeping with that spirit, I don't think I'll explain any further until tomorrow!

Fuel

Just got back in from my third run this week, and it felt really good - I think my body has finally got used to the whole exercise thing again!

Its quite nice to have an hour just inside my own head, thinking as I jog along. Tonight, one of the things that occupied my mind was the fuel my body was using to power my run.

It has struck me a few times on this weight-loss journey - when I look at my body and see just how much LESS of me there is than before...where exactly have I gone?

I've often imagined the streets of London slick with all the pounds of fat I've lost, pounded into the pavement by my increasingly-ratty running shoes. But tonight I was thinking, where did all that FAT come from?

Because all the terrible things I used to eat to become fat in the first place are now being used as fuel in the forging of the fitter, healthier me. All those monster-sized kebabs for lunch at school in Belgium; the endless chocolates and sandwiches I would sneak when I got home; the take-aways I ate when I was first at Uni, and couldn't be bothered to cook; the cakes, pies, chips, chocolates, ice-creams, pastries, candy and fizzy drinks I would diligently sample every night, as tonight was my LAST NIGHT before I FINALLY started eating healthily, so I'd better get all my binging done now.

All those things led me down the path to obesity, where I wallowed for what were meant to be the best years of my life. But NOW...

Now, that same junk food is what my body is using when I'm out on my runs. Granted, I'm running BECAUSE I'm fat and want to lose it, but if you look at it from a different angle - the running is making my heart stronger, my lungs healthier, improving my mood and boosting my confidence. I am using the fat to make that happen, the fat that arose from my years of profligate consumption.

I can't change the past. I can't undo all those years of binging. All I can do is work with what I have. Make the best of a bad situation.

And I am.

.

D-Day Minus One

My last post tonight, I promise!

Now that I've spent a while talking about the problems and barriers I've been experiencing in the last few months, let's talk about the future, shall we?

At the risk of saying it for the THIRD time...my motivation and energy are always a lot better in the spring, after a dull and lethargic (hell, downright lazy) winter. I swear, somewhere in my evolutionary past is a big, hulking, hibernating bear of an ancestor, and I'm a genetic throwback, I'm sure of it. I could happily do nothing from November to February except sleep, eat, and occasionally scratch myself. But enough of that!

I've been feeling my old appetite for weight loss return over the last few weeks. It's been building slowly, but I've gradually found myself deciding against those big suppers, itching for a run, weighing more often during the week. I thought that maybe this would all build to a head, and I could finally switch gears and get this year going on the anniversary of my weight loss attempt, which hits on February 21st.

However, things have reached a head NOW, and rather than have another week in the doldrums, waiting for the 21st before I start doing this properly again...I have decided to start tomorrow!

From tomorrow, IdleToIdol is back in business.

So what's going to change? In what ways am I going to reignite my weight loss? Here's a few of the things I'm finally feeling energised for:

- WEIGH EVERY DAY. Because I haven't been. At all. For ages. Sometimes I've literally only stepped on the scales on a Monday morning, to see what damage has been wrought the previous week. I know that works for some people, but I do much better when I weigh every day, so starting tomorrow, its the first thing I do in the morning!

- BLOG MORE OFTEN. I've already said that I don't know what I'll write about. I'm toying with the idea of posting every day, even if its just a few sentences, just to make sure I'm thinking about the blog (and therefore my weight-loss) every day. I don't know if I'll manage that, but I certainly don't like the way I've only been doing weigh-in updates every fortnight or so. That's no good. What's the point of blogging if I'm not going to, you know, blog? Watch this space...

- GET BACK INTO EXERCISE. Only one run in 2012 so far. Pitiful. And the real problem is, I haven't been doing anything else to compensate. I would like to run every other day, but I need to do something on the days I'm not running too, either weights, or a series of push-ups, sit-ups etc in my room. That gives me three options to choose from, and even if I don't feel up to a run, I want to make sure I'm doing something each day, even if its just for the psychological boost of being able to tell myself I've done something.

- BRING BACK MY WEEKLY TARGETS. I said that I'd do without them this year...well, see how well that turned out? I used to really like the feeling of having a little challenge each week, a little target to aim for. I want to get that feeling back, so when I weigh in tomorrow morning, I'm going to have a look and see if I can find a suitable new target date, that gives me a manageable weekly target. With 25+ lbs still to lose and my rate of weight loss slowing, I think it'll be quite a long-term plan, but I'll decide in the morning.

So there it is! I should also point out that this new energy isn't just being funnelled into my weight loss. I have a brand new chart on my wall with all kinds of things I now plan on achieving, be it on a day-to-day basis, or by this time next month etc. I'm finally feeling confident that I can do this again. Let's get to it!

2012 Resolution...

I know this is coming to you very late, but I did say I would let you all know what resolution I chose for 2012, so here it is!

First though, I wanted to respond to some of my readers, who asked why I would remove mention of all the weight I lost in 2011, and start afresh from zero. It was a tough call, as I am rightly proud of what I have achieved so far...so why would I now ignore it?

The fact is, I have to do what I think will help me with my final stage of weight loss, and starting from scratch is, I think, the way to do it.

You see, I noticed towards the end of last year that my commitment to the weight-loss cause was slightly waning. It just didn't seem to have the urgency it used to. That wasn't because I was happy with my weight though - far from it!

Rather, I realised that I was somewhat 'resting on my laurels', if you will. When I had a fairly lazy week and didn't reach my weekly target, I could look back at the 70+ lbs lost and tell myself not to worry about it, as I'd already made a ton of progress. Even worse, if I had a really bad week and saw a gain, it didn't have much of an impact. Say I gained 5 lbs - the counter would still read 65lbs lost so far. 65lbs! That's loads! Why worry about it?

I don't in any way want to disown my achievements from last year, but I do think I need a little more focus for these last few pounds. And in fact, that previous sentence kind of gives away the problematic mindset I'm in. I don't WANT to think of these as the 'last few pounds', as though I've already all-but-won this battle, and am now just mopping up the leftovers. The 28lbs I still have to lose are a challenge in and of themselves, so I want to stop looking at them in the light of all the weight I've already lost, but rather tackle them as a fresh new challenge - one I haven't actually made any progress against yet.

Anyway, that was the decision-making process, and I hope I've explained it in a way that makes sense! I have made a few changes to the blog's header and the progress bar, just to try and let any new or casual readers know that progress has been made last year!

So, to the resolution! I've never had much luck with resolutions, probably because I try to come up with too many, so one inevitably slips, and then the whole 'new me' thing kind of collapses in on itself. This year, I wanted to come up with one general resolution, that I could conceivably apply to ALL aspects of my life that need more attention. And so that's what I did!

2012 Resolution - "I will not waste any more of my time".

So there it is. I am using this as something of a mantra, and trying to apply it to everything. I have weight to lose? Well stop wasting time, and lose it - go out for a run! I have deadlines looming? Well stop wasting time, and do your work! You want something? Well go and get it! Something isn't right? Well go and change it! STOP WASTING TIME!

We'll see in the coming weeks and months how effective it is!

Fading Away...Take 2!

The last time I did a Fading Away post was back in May, when I was almost at the 50lbs down point. You can see the original post here.

As I've now passed the 75lbs lost point, I thought it was time to do another Fading Away post, to really try and appreciate the visible difference between then and now, rather than just the numbers on the scale.

As before, these are Monday's weigh-in photos, with the pictures from Day 1 superimposed on top.

It was actually difficult to put these two together, as all the landmarks (armpit, nipple, chin etc) have moved in the last few months! Clearly the belly bulge is smaller, which is great. Once again I am amazed by just how much weight I was carrying underneath the belly, above the groin area! Nice to see that the chin has receded a lot too!

 

I didn't include the front view the last time round, as there wasn't much of a visible difference then. I think there is now though! I still have those bulging love-handles/muffin-top things on my flanks, but the curve has certainly reduced, and I'm carrying a lot less weight under the armpits too. Hooray!

Anyhow, that was all I wanted to do for today! I will probably do the same again when we get to 100lbs dropped - won't THAT be the day!

My Everest

Today, the countdown on my blog ran out. When I started, today was the day I planned to finish. Today, I planned to be at my goal weight.

And today, I am not.

I'm OK with that. I knew it was an ambitious target, but figured it would spur me on more than a lower, easier target would. None the less, the fact that today has always had a big red circle around it on my calendar has given me pause for thought. Made me think about my progress, about my weight loss so far, and about how far I still have to go.

You see, my weight loss is my Everest.

I have always admired people who achieved their weight loss, or any other ambition. People who conquered their Everest. For me, weight loss was always something I thought it would be wonderful to do, something I would always like to do, at some point in the future. But I always told myself it was just a dream, a crazy ambition, that I was far too lazy and set in my ways to ever actually achieve the summit of my Everest.

I mean, look at it. It's so big! Think of the effort it would take to get there. Only madmen would actually try it, and fewer still would make it. It was nice to sit and imagine the view from the summit, but to get there, one would have to drag their way up, inch by inch, step by step, and put themselves through all kinds of pain and torture. I would never make it to the top...so why try? Why face the humiliation of attempting, and failing? Much easier to sit back, with my dreams. In my dreams, I was always already at the top.

But then one day, I tore my eyes away from the summit, and looked at the stones beneath my feet. Every journey begins with one step, they say, and even I could manage one step.

So I took one step. And another. And then another.

And suddenly, I was on my way. I stopped craning my neck to get a view of the summit, but focussed on the few feet in front of me. That was manageable. That I could do. So I kept on, gaining ground, slow and steady, not thinking about the miles ahead, but instead relishing in the miles that were suddenly behind me. I broke into a jog, and then a run. This was easy! I would be there in no time!

But then the slope became steeper, and my legs tired. I found myself slowing, catching my breath, until finally I stopped. Stopped, and at last, let myself look about me.

And the view took my breath away. Look how far I had come! Things were so much better here than they had been before. I could see so much clearer now. I felt alive, and awash with confidence. Look at what I had achieved!

The summit still loomed overhead, much closer than it had been, but the final ascent would be far tougher than my journey so far. So why would I bother? Things were fantastic now, and the view was spectacular. Why put myself through all that effort? Why not just stay here? How much better could things really get?

And that's the question. How much better can they get? Yes, things are much better now. But can I say I conquered my Everest? No. The view is wonderful here, but can I say I've actually seen the view from the summit? No. And would I like to? Put aside all the effort it will take, and all the time - would I like to see the view from the summit?

Oh yes.

So I will carry on. I will persevere. I don't know how long it will take, or if it will prove too much for me, but the summit is so close. I can almost touch it. I can't stop now. To stop now would somehow be worse than never having set out. All I can do is put my head down, focus on the ground before me, and go on. Step by step. Inch by inch.

And one day, I will make it. The summit isn't a prize, something only the brave or the powerful can achieve. The summit is where we all belong. It is our natural place. I belong there, at the summit of my Everest, as you belong at the summit of yours. We are just reclaiming what is already ours. What was ours, and shall be ours again.

So I will carry on. And one day, I will make it. One day.

One day.

Some Awesome Things That Have Happened Since I Lost Weight

The following is just a list of a few things that have happened since I dropped out of the obese BMI category, that have made me smile or have given me a new burst of confidence. My blog has been a bit grumbly and negative of late, so thought I'd brighten things up again!

- Had to get refitted for the wedding. My brother got married about a month ago, and I was the best man, so I got to dress up in tails. The first time I was measured up for the suit was back around April, and I warned them that the clothes may not fit come the wedding. True enough, I went back around July, and they had to make everything a size smaller. Hooray!

- Had to buy a new belt. I'd already had to carve a few extra holes into my old belt, but even so, it was getting to the point where the tail, when fastened, was wrapping itself almost half-way around me again! Felt wonderful to have to buy a new one, whose biggest size is smaller than the smallest size of my old one!

- Can sprint up my stairs now. I live in a flat on the fourth floor of a block, and when I first moved in back in February, I would have to stop around the third floor and catch my breath before continuing up to my flat. Nowadays I can sprint up the stairs two at a time, and only be a little puffed out at the end!

- I got asked to join a sports team. Well, sort of. A colleague of mine was part of the university's American football team (which isn't very common over here in the UK). When he saw me on the first day of term, after I had slimmed right down, the first thing he did was ask me to come along to training! That has NEVER happened before - ok, I was never the LAST person to be chosen in sports at school, but I was definitely down there. As it happens, he forgot to send me the details so I didn't end up going, but was still delighted to be asked!

- I had to buy new shirts...and went for slim-fits. My old shirts look like tents when I try them on now, and the jumpers/pullovers I had resorted to at my heaviest were no better. I had to go buy a bunch of new shirts to wear on the hospital wards this year, and found some which seemed to fit me wonderfully. It was only when I got them home I realised they were the 'slim-fit' variety - couldn't quite believe it!

- Friends want to read my blog. People have been noticing the weight loss for a while now, and some ask how I did it. After a few drinks I'm more than happy to tell them about how I blogged my progress, and that helped keep me on track. So far I've never actually given the address out, but a few friends have begun sidling up to me and asking for the link, so they can do the same! I'm very free with advice and encouragement, but don't want to share the blog until the journey is over, and I've maintained the loss for a while. Still, the fact that people are impressed, and the fact that, perhaps, I'm encouraging others to get healthy too...well, that's wonderful!

And finally, the thing I still can't quite believe, but I assure you, it happened...

I took my shirt off in public! 

Lol ok not public as such, but I still took it off! We were studying abdominal examination techniques, and the tutor wanted to demonstrate on one of us students. Since my group was made up of two girls, a guy who begged me to do it so nobody could see his tattoo, and myself, the pressure was on. In the past I would have refused point blank, no matter how awkward it became if the others kept asking. But this time...I only had to think for about a second. I wasn't COMPLETELY happy doing so, as I've still got at least 30lbs to drop until I consider myself 'ready', but even so, it wasn't really a problem at all. I no longer think of myself as a bloated, obese oaf who needs to stay covered up. Nowadays I'm just a guy, still a bit podgy, sure, but with nothing serious to be embarrassed about. So off came the shirt, and all my past hang-ups and fears came off with it!

So there we are, just a few things that have made me smile since I've dropped out of the obese BMI. I think its a pretty good list...and I'm not even done yet!

Redefining Targets

The counter on the right of my blog says that, in six days, I will have reached my target weight.

Obviously, that's not going to happen!

That target was set right at the start of my weight loss, and depended on a weekly loss of 3.1 lbs. I knew that was an ambitious target when I set it - nearly every source recommends no more than 2lbs a week. However, I figured that a low target might make me complacent - if i reached my weekly goal by a Wednesday, I'd be less inclined to make an effort for the rest of the week. So I kept the elevated target, as a way to keep me pushing right through the week.

And for a long time it worked. I managed to stay ahead of target all the way from February to July. But then August came, my month of gain, and that finally set me behind my target.

Now I look at my weigh-in spreadsheet, I see that I am actually about the same weight now as I was back in July. Since then I lost some more, then gained, and am now working my way back down again. That's two months of no progress. My first reaction to that is a negative one, as I haven't dropped any lower than I was two months ago. There is a small part of me which thinks its OK, with an eye to my maintenance phase - I've been able to keep my weight the same (with peaks and troughs of course) for two months, gaining a bit and then working to reduce that gain. I'm OK with that when I reach the maintenance phase, after hitting my goal weight...but I'm not there yet!

So, I need to make a new weekly target, and new end date. There are 13 weeks until the end of the year (not counting this one), and 30lbs still to shed, so that works out at 2.3 lbs a week. Still above the recommended weekly loss, but lower than the one I have at present. As such, I think I'll make that my target at the start of next week. Chances are I'll still be above that target come the New Year, but I really ought to be really close by then. And you never know, maybe I WILL manage to meet that target, and can start 2012 at my goal weight, not having to lose any more pounds, but rather just trying to maintain the weight!

Its just become a bit disheartening, opening my spreadsheet every morning and seeing a big red column, telling me I'm almost 30lbs behind schedule. In the past I used to enjoy looking at the target column, seeing that I was on track, or pushing hard to make sure I stayed on track. Nowadays its just depressing, knowing that I'll never be able to make up the weight loss in the time I had set. Hopefully having a new target will allow me to finally see green numbers in my target column, and enthuse me once again!

A Different Kind of Comparison...

I finally allowed myself back onto Facebook this weekend - partly because my exams are over and I don't need to worry about distractions, and partly because I'm feeling much more confident and 'at peace' with myself, and no longer feel the need to hide from the world.

What struck me instantly were two photos I had been tagged in during my absence. One was taken around January/February time, just before I started my weight loss. The other was from my cousin's wedding, which was the second week of July.

Just before I started my weight loss.

Taken about a month ago.

I've written before about how, sometimes, it can be hard to see your own progress, because its gradual, and you see yourself every day, so there's no sudden before-and-after moment. But looking at these two pics, I actually sat back in my chair and wondered, "how on earth did I do that?"

I wish these pics were from the same angle, so I could really compare them. None the less, I'm feeling really happy with what I've done thus far. The past 4 weeks have been the worst month so far in terms of pounds lost, but that also holds true in terms of effort put in, so I'm willing to accept any weigh-in tomorrow morning...then I can crack on with losing some more weight!

Why I Want To Lose Weight

After something of a glum post on Monday, I have decided to take the advice of Ellie from Ellie Unzipped, and The Evolution of C., and spend this week re-evaluating my weight loss, confessing to myself (and you) the things I am still doing wrong, and reminding myself of why I want to lose weight in the first place.

I'm going to start with the latter, as I've never really addressed it. You assume its more or less the same for most people - to have more confidence, to be healthier, to look better etc. But I had all those reasons for a long time, and never did anything about it, so I thought I'd look at a few OTHER things that drove me to finally start shedding the pounds.



- I'm sure most people reading this will have come across the fantastic blog Jack Sh*t Gettin Fit, and if not, head over there right now for one of the funniest and most original weight-loss blogs around. He runs a regular feature called W.I.D.T.H. (Why I Do This Here), and I have contributed twice, so I'm going to share those with you here too.

- A feature common to both the above pics is wanting to look better for the opposite sex. It might sound vain, and a poor reason for wanting to lose weight when compared to health, longevity etc, but the fact is that my paranoia regarding my weight, and how I looked, effectively made me house-bound for several years. I wouldn't talk to girls, for fear of them laughing at or mocking me, I would avoid social gatherings like the plague, and I even deactivated my Facebook, so embarrassed was I about my weight. One day I would like to meet someone and maybe have a family etc, but I really feel I have to be happy in myself before I can be happy with someone else. I need the confidence to talk to others, and being happy with my appearance and feeling 'in control' of my life would definitely help that.

- I already mentioned that I deactivated my Facebook account. One of the factors leading to that was actually someone else having SUCCEEDED with their weight loss. It sounds like a terribly petty thing to have done, and I'm still embarrassed about it, but there you go. It was a guy I went to school with, who always had a problem with his weight. I've said before that I was overweight at school, but I wasn't as heavy as this guy, and one of the salves to my conscience was always that "at least I'm not the fattest guy in the year." He has now lost a lot of weight and gained a fair bit of muscle, and looks pretty great. A friend of mine commented on a photo of him saying something along those lines, and it made me so self-conscious. If she was looking at current photos and remembering how we looked at school, what must she think about me? A bloated slob, trying to hide his chins behind a scraggly beard? It was too much for me back then, and I dropped completely off the radar for many of my old friends. I can't wait to rejoin Facebook - my reward for hitting my goal weight. I'm already planning my first status..."Headspace is now half the man he was. Well, two-thirds, but its a vast improvement!"

- I was only two years old when Halley's Comet last appeared in our skies, so I don't remember seeing it. When I was very young that fact always rankled me, and I told myself that I WOULD be around to see it next time. That's in 2061, when I will be 77 years old. Want to make sure I don't die before then! Would also be nice to hit 100, and get my telegram from the Queen (well, it'll probably be King William by then!).

- In an older post I made a list of Things I Can't Wait To Do When I'm Slim, and all of those would certainly be reasons for me wanting to lose weight. In addition, as I am currently training to be a doctor, I would hate to one day have to talk to a patient about how their weight was affecting their health, while still be being obese myself. I would feel like such a hypocrite!

Anyhow, those are some other reasons (besides the usual ones) why this weight-loss attempt came about, and stuck. Later in the week I will carry on this re-evaluation of my goals and methods - I will try to admit to myself things I'm still doing wrong but try to ignore, and I'm even toying with the idea of dropping my anonymity, and coming-out as a loud and proud weight-loss blogger...we shall see!

My Top 10 Running Songs

I wasn't sure how to start this post, as the songs I listen to on my runs aren't necessarily songs I would listen to otherwise (I'm more of a blues/soul man at heart). I know some people like to hear solid pounding beats when they run, but others need something bouncier and more fun. I tend to use a combination of the two, with cheesy pop songs followed by 'harder' tunes to drive me on.

To come up with this list, I simply opened my 'Jogging' playlist on my iPod, and saw which 10 songs had the most plays. Here they are, in ascending order!

10) Chariots Of Fire (Vangelis)

I don't use this one as much as I used to - when I was still living at home, I had a nice straight flat stretch right at the end, and I would play this song as I sprinted for the finish line. It made it in to number 10!

9) Gold (Spandau Ballet)

Another song with an Olympic connection! This one used to help get me up the hill when I was running back home!

8) Bat Out Of Hell (Meatloaf)

Besides being a classic, banging tune, the beauty of this track is that it's nearly 10 minutes long. I used to play it when I was tempted to give up the run early - I would tell myself "don't quit until this song is over," and I'd bag another mile or more before the end came!

7) Eye Of The Tiger (Survivor)

Made famous by a Rocky film (Rocky III is the one, I think), this is a good all-purpose song, that helps me find the right rhythm when I'm running. I may even indulge in a little Rocky role-play when the streets are empty, too!

6) I Need A Hero (Bonnie Tyler)

OK, here's one I'd be quite embarrassed to be caught listening to, but as a running song, it really gets you pumped up! Not saying I'm a hero, by any means, but when you're all sweaty and tired and breathless, and this song comes on...well, you'll almost believe you ARE!

5) Don't Stop Me Now (Queen)

An example of a 'bouncier' tune, not one to make you feel all bad-ass and get the testosterone flowing, but it does give your energy a boost, and makes you feel lighter on your feet. It also helps makes running fun, which is a huge bonus!

4) Hot Stuff (Donna Summer)

I don't know if this song ever made it to America, or if people will only know it from a scene in 'The Full Monty', but its another tune I find makes me bop my head, pick up my pace, and run with a smile on my face!

3) Gonna Fly Now (Bill Conti)

I'm sure this one features on many people's running playlists, and for good reason - try going for a run with this playing, and you'll see what I mean! My second Rocky-associated tune!

2) Till I Collapse (Eminem)

This is one of the few songs on my list that actually gets me fired up. Most I play just to help the time pass, but this one I play when I'm flagging, or making excuses, or sore. Sometimes I just have to play this song on repeat, and its effect never changes - as soon as those drumbeats kick in, I'm flying!

1) Footloose (Kenny Loggins)

This probably only made it to number one by virtue of the fact that its often the first song I play (and then just have it on shuffle from thereon out). That said, there has to be a reason I usually play this first - its fun, bouncy, and the rhythm seems to synch perfectly with the pace I run at!



So there you have it! Some are old, some are cheesy, and some are just theme-tunes rather than songs. Some I would never listen to outside of my running gear, but as they've so far helped me to lose 56lbs and counting, they'll always have a place on my iPod. If I ever hear them playing on the radio, all I can think about is going for a run!



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Fading Away...

Further to all the pictures in yesterday's 3-month weight-in, I have been playing with the photos today, comparing them and trying to find different ways of seeing the difference.

Thought I would share the image below, which is my very first picture, taken at the start of my weight-loss, superimposed onto yesterday's photo, nearly 50lbs down.

It's not the clearest photo in the world, but you can see just how far the tummy has shrunk in the past 13 weeks! I was also surprised how much narrower I was around the butt and upper thighs - I focussed so much on watching the belly disappear, I didn't even really notice that change! Just goes to show that weight really does build up EVERYWHERE!

Anyway, that's all - still saving up all the photos every week, and will run them together into a time-lapse video once I finish losing all the weight!

My Philosophy on Small Weigh-Ins

On the whole, with my own weight-loss attempt, I've been consistently ahead of schedule. This is still largely thanks to the rapid weight-loss of my first two weeks, but I've kept seeing losses every week so far, and my monthly averages have by-and-large been perfectly on track.

But the weight loss isn't constant and steady. Rather, I tend to have one or two weeks of above-target weight loss, followed by another couple of weeks where I don't reach my weekly target. Overall they average out, but on those below-par weeks, it was quite easy to become frustrated, especially since I was sometimes seeing daily gains after being especially good on the diet, or after exercising.

But as the weeks have progressed and I've got a broader view of the pattern my weight-loss is taking, I have come to see the smaller losses as something of a good thing, for a few different reasons. Here are some of them:

- They 'lock-down' the previous week's drop. As I've said, the smaller losses seem to follow quite big ones, and as nice as it is to see a big loss, there is always a part of your brain which worries that perhaps the scale was wrong, or perhaps you've just lost some water weight and will gain it all back, or perhaps that the loss is unsustainable and you'll just bounce right back up. I've certainly worried about that, especially now that I'm boasting a 12-week constant-loss pattern, and am loathe to give it up! But by recording another loss, however small, you have proved that the previous week's result was not a fluke, and it's 'in the bag', so to speak. That's always nice!

- I am now OWED a bigger drop! On week's where I've dieted really well, and exercised regularly, it can be a bit disheartening if the scales don't seem to reflect it. But now I've changed my view on that. If I've eaten and exercised enough to warrant a loss of (say) two pounds, and the scales only show a drop of half a pound, I now say that my body owes me 1.5 lbs next week! And it really does seem to work out. Not perfectly obviously, but at the end of the day, if you use up more calories than you take in, you will lose weight - if the scales don't reflect that one week, stick with it, and you'll see the changes eventually!

- It's the deep breath before the plunge. Sometimes I view my weight-loss as a kind of rollercoaster (a bit of a cliched metaphor, but it helps). On weeks when I only record a small loss, I picture myself on the rollercoaster, slowly creeping up to the top of a rise. Its just my body adjusting to the new, lower, weight I have achieved. It drops, catches its breath, then drops again. If I record a small loss then I picture myself pausing briefly at the top of the rollercoaster, before I tip over the top of this particular rest-point, and see another steep drop the following week!

- Maybe its just water weight! Because when I started I restricted my carbs, I know some of the weight I lost was just water. I now seem to go through cycles of not eating carbs, and then including them in my diet again (I don't intentionally cut them out completely, as I don't want to start burning away muscle). And I do occasionally notice, if my diet has been especially carb-heavy one week, my weight doesn't seem to drop as much. This could just be me regaining some of the water I lost when on low-carb, so I know that when I next reduce my carbs again, some of that extra weight will drop right off!


I've rambled for long enough, but those are some of the things that go through my head when I record a loss that doesn't quite live up to my weekly target. To be perfectly honest, all I need to have a satisfactory week is a loss of 0.1 lbs - anything more than that is just a bonus!

How To Motivate Yourself For A Run

This post isn't about how to go for your first EVER run - I honestly have no idea how that started. It was something I was always going to do tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. Then one day I found myself in my running gear outside doing stretches, and before I even knew what was happening, I was running! Not very far or fast to start with, but I'd started!

This post will be about how I make myself go for a run on those days when its really the last thing I want to do. There are always days like that, especially after a good weigh-in, when you think you can do without it for a change. 

FIRST THINGS FIRST - I need my iPod when I run. Partly its the distraction, partly the fact that it makes the time go faster, and partly the fact that a regular beat or rhythm helps me sync my paces and breathing. I know some people run on machines at home or at the gym, so you can probably make do with background music or TV, but if you hit the streets like me, a little music goes a long way!

Now, as I've said before, my current route is 4 miles long, or about 6.5 kms. Sometimes the prospect of doing that seems dreadful, so I break it down into small, manageable steps, almost to 'trick' myself into doing the distance! Here's how.

- Just do your warm-ups. Don't fancy a run? Feeling stiff and awkward and tired? That's ok, you don't have to run - just do your warm-ups! I find that stretching out my muscles helps to wake me up, raises my heart-rate just a little, and generally makes the idea of a run slightly less horrendous than when I've just tumbled out of bed.

- Just put your running gear on. Still don't fancy that run? Then don't think about it. Just put your gear on. I know this sounds silly, but sometimes I literally have to just say to myself 'I'm just getting dressed, even you aren't too lazy for that!'

- Just go get some fresh air. I'm all geared up, but the thought of running 4 miles still seems awful. That's ok, just pop outside and get some fresh air! No harm in that...

All this just to actually get me out of the house and ready to run! Its not always this hard of course, but as someone who spent years with absolutely no exercise, I still have to sometimes take myself by the scruff of the neck (a bizarre image - who's grabbing whom?), and force myself to not be a lazy so-and-so!

By this stage I'm outside, warmed up and in my running gear, and some mornings that's enough - I can almost go through these stages on autopilot, so that before I've had time to weigh the pros and cons of having a run, I'm already outside and ready to go.

Another useful 'trick' I use is the fact that my 4-mile route has the shape of two figures-of-8. From my starting point, I basically do 4 loops, each a mile long, that bring me back to where I started after each mile. 

The benefit of this is that I don't have to muster the enthusiasm for a 4-mile run. I can tell myself that if I want to, I only have to do one mile, and then I can quit. Heck, I can even say only do a half-mile. By that stage, its a half-mile to home, so I might as well run back. By then, I've warmed up and I'm into my music, so just one more mile doesn't sound so bad (boom, 2 miles). By this stage, if I feel like quitting, I can tell myself that if I just do half the distance again, I'll have gone three miles. And THEN, once I reach the 3-mile point, I use the first trick again, and say 'just add another half-mile'. Once that's done, there's only a half-mile left until I'm home, so screw it, might as well carry on running till I get there!

I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous, and I'm sure 'normal' people who exercise regularly and are in good shape have none of this difficulty. But I'm not there yet, and I still have to make a real effort to fit in the exercise I do. And some days, of course, I'm absolutely pumped and can't wait for my run! Some days...

So anyhow, that's what works for me. If anybody out there has any little tips or tricks that they use, please do share them - some of us need all the help we can get!

The Trouble With Good Weigh-Ins

Now don't get me wrong - seeing a good result on a Monday morning is a great thing. It's sort of the point of this whole weight-loss business too. I'm certainly not knocking good weigh-ins!

But here's the thing. For the last three weeks now, I have been quite pleased with my weigh-ins each Monday. So pleased in fact, that I have decided to treat myself. Not with chocolate or ice-cream or anything 'bad'. Just giving myself a slightly larger portion of chicken, or maybe adding some sausages to my breakfast omelette.

And each Tuesday, my weight has rocketed up. Far beyond what calories would suggest - I actually believe that with my running, my calories on these 'treat' days are actually still below my BMR threshold. I don't know if its water weight or what, but without fail for the last three weeks, my Tuesday weigh-in has been several pounds heavier than my Monday result.

And then for the rest of the week, I'm playing catch-up. I have to shed these extra added pounds, and then some, so that I can show another loss the following week.

And that's not how I want this weight loss to go. Each week has been a real mission, with my target not being to just record a loss, but a significant loss to counteract my Tuesday spike. Luckily I've managed it so far, but I'm sure, if I keep on doing this, that one week the spike will be too high to counteract before the next Monday.

Soooo, next week I can't be too self-satisfied with my result (assuming I even manage a loss by next week!). I'm getting close to half-way now, and soon I have to start thinking about not just dieting to drop the pounds, but finding a manageable, sustainable level of calorie-intake and exercise, to ease me gradually down to my target weight, and then stabilise there. The idea isn't to stay on this diet for the rest of my life, just to use it until I've dropped to my target weight, and then 'maintain' until eating healthily and exercising regularly is the norm.

Got a bit of weight still to shift this week before I start showing another loss, and from then on, its softly softly. This isn't a sprint to my target weight, its a marathon. I have to make sure I pace myself...

Getting Serious About Losing Weight

First of all, thank you to all my readers, regular and otherwise, for helping me get to 400 views! When I started the blog I told myself it was mostly to a) help keep me motivated, b) have a permanent online record of my weight loss, that I could look back on in the future when I needed a confidence boost, and c) save my regular written journal from endless entries bewailing my weight and my failure to do anything about it. I never dared hope anyone else would bother to read it, so again, THANK YOU - it really does help, knowing people drop by and read my entries - makes me feel accountable, makes me WANT to keep recording losses even more!

Following on from my previous post, I've been really struggling to show any loss this week. The weight went up again this morning, which is a complete mystery to me, and I'm still running at a net gain since Monday. Part of me was quite ready to accept a gain this week, after 7 really great weeks of losing weight (and more weight than I expected to lose in that time too). I've been ill, which has reduced my ability to exercise, and as I'm now entering revision-mode for Uni, its harder to keep to the diet (as I'm at home more, and oh so close to the fridge).

But this morning I thought - to hell with that. I've done so well thus far, and I want to keep doing well. I won't say its been easy up until now, but its certainly not been the struggle I expected. The thing is, as I've mentioned before, I'm into the 260's now. This has sort of been my 'base-weight' range for years, and I've bounced around it in all my previous weight loss attempts. Any weight lost from here on out is going to be really old-school, entrenched fat that I've been carrying for years. My body is used to carrying this amount of weight - of course its going to be harder to drop from here.

But I'm determined to do it. This afternoon, regardless of my cough and cold, I went out for a run. It was rather a spluttery affair, with lots of coughing and yakking into passing bushes, but somehow I managed my longest distance for about a year - a full 5k. Tomorrow morning I am getting up extra early to do my weight exercises, and when I pack for my trip home this weekend (which before I kind of accepted would be a restful, eat-what-you-like-and-lose-it-later trip), I'm putting in my running gear. I am NOT going to let this week be my first gain. If this is the start of the serious war against my weight, then I want the first battle to be a victory for me.

So I'm going for it. I'm going to exercise every day between now and my Monday weigh-in, and I'm going to keep to the diet this weekend, even if my refusal of seconds and/or desserts draws raised eyebrows from the family (who by-and-large don't know about my weight loss attempt yet). I don't care if I only manage another 0.1 lb loss - as long as its a loss!

Oh for the day when I weigh 180-190 lbs, and gaining a couple means I only have to go for a run or two that week, and can shed them again. But to get there, I need to knuckle down. So, here we go. Knuckles well and truly down. Wish me luck!

What Does 100 lbs Look Like?

When I decided I was going to lose 100 lbs, I tried to Google something to compare it to. Some image of something (or a lot of somethings) that weighed 100 lbs, so I could grasp in my head exactly what I was aiming for.

But the pickings were pretty slim. The best I could find were the two images below (with their sources linked beneath):

MyPetFat

INetGiant

The thing is, I can't imagine holding that in my hand (whatever 'that' is), so it doesn't really help. It sure looks like a lot though!

So I decided to try and gather together 100 lbs of regular everyday stuff, so I would have at least a vague notion of what I was attempting to accomplish. And being a student, the heaviest, most numerous thing I have is, of course, textbooks!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, 100 lbs of books!

 It really doesn't seem so much stacked up like that, but believe me, this load was backbreaking. It was almost too much for me, and was definitely too much for my scales - they tried to tell me I weighed 35lbs WITH books! I ended up weighing them in shifts, and what you have above is 99.6 lbs, as close to 100 as I could get.

Try grabbing a few big books off the shelf now, and compare that weight to how many are above. I should have put something in to compare sizes, but most of those are big old hardback anatomy textbooks, and hefty even on their own. I can't believe I could even have that much weight to spare! Its horrifying.

Can't wait to drop it all though! I mean, I go for runs and can jog upstairs and am in no way incapacitated by my weight, so imagine what I'll be able to do when I'm not carrying that around too! I'll be a Hercules!

All the pics above can be enlarged with a click (and my one gives you an insight into the reading matter of a procrastinating med student!). Hopefully its useful to anyone else aiming for close to 100lbs!