I'm going to start with the latter, as I've never really addressed it. You assume its more or less the same for most people - to have more confidence, to be healthier, to look better etc. But I had all those reasons for a long time, and never did anything about it, so I thought I'd look at a few OTHER things that drove me to finally start shedding the pounds.
- I'm sure most people reading this will have come across the fantastic blog Jack Sh*t Gettin Fit, and if not, head over there right now for one of the funniest and most original weight-loss blogs around. He runs a regular feature called W.I.D.T.H. (Why I Do This Here), and I have contributed twice, so I'm going to share those with you here too.
- A feature common to both the above pics is wanting to look better for the opposite sex. It might sound vain, and a poor reason for wanting to lose weight when compared to health, longevity etc, but the fact is that my paranoia regarding my weight, and how I looked, effectively made me house-bound for several years. I wouldn't talk to girls, for fear of them laughing at or mocking me, I would avoid social gatherings like the plague, and I even deactivated my Facebook, so embarrassed was I about my weight. One day I would like to meet someone and maybe have a family etc, but I really feel I have to be happy in myself before I can be happy with someone else. I need the confidence to talk to others, and being happy with my appearance and feeling 'in control' of my life would definitely help that.
- I already mentioned that I deactivated my Facebook account. One of the factors leading to that was actually someone else having SUCCEEDED with their weight loss. It sounds like a terribly petty thing to have done, and I'm still embarrassed about it, but there you go. It was a guy I went to school with, who always had a problem with his weight. I've said before that I was overweight at school, but I wasn't as heavy as this guy, and one of the salves to my conscience was always that "at least I'm not the fattest guy in the year." He has now lost a lot of weight and gained a fair bit of muscle, and looks pretty great. A friend of mine commented on a photo of him saying something along those lines, and it made me so self-conscious. If she was looking at current photos and remembering how we looked at school, what must she think about me? A bloated slob, trying to hide his chins behind a scraggly beard? It was too much for me back then, and I dropped completely off the radar for many of my old friends. I can't wait to rejoin Facebook - my reward for hitting my goal weight. I'm already planning my first status..."Headspace is now half the man he was. Well, two-thirds, but its a vast improvement!"
- I was only two years old when Halley's Comet last appeared in our skies, so I don't remember seeing it. When I was very young that fact always rankled me, and I told myself that I WOULD be around to see it next time. That's in 2061, when I will be 77 years old. Want to make sure I don't die before then! Would also be nice to hit 100, and get my telegram from the Queen (well, it'll probably be King William by then!).
- In an older post I made a list of Things I Can't Wait To Do When I'm Slim, and all of those would certainly be reasons for me wanting to lose weight. In addition, as I am currently training to be a doctor, I would hate to one day have to talk to a patient about how their weight was affecting their health, while still be being obese myself. I would feel like such a hypocrite!
Anyhow, those are some other reasons (besides the usual ones) why this weight-loss attempt came about, and stuck. Later in the week I will carry on this re-evaluation of my goals and methods - I will try to admit to myself things I'm still doing wrong but try to ignore, and I'm even toying with the idea of dropping my anonymity, and coming-out as a loud and proud weight-loss blogger...we shall see!
Loved this post. So real. So honest. So brave. You will be turning heads in to time, if you aren't already!! :) Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your honesty in this post. Vanity and pride can be powerful motivators, weather it's a good thing, or a bad one.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your self-esteem is rock bottom. That sucks. I challenge you to put some thought into some of the things you DO like about your self and the way you look. You gotta start somewhere.
One of the things I've learned during this trek is that losing the weight hasn't solved half of the problems I thought it would, but actually succeeding at a goal I've set forth gave me the confidence and strength to do something about those other issues.
I highly doubt your weight is completely responsible for all the embarassment you feel around people. Find out what is.
Keep doing what you're doing. I know you'll find the answers you're looking for. And thanks for the shoutout.:-)
I love Jack's WIDTH, yours are great reasons. Maybe they seem vain on the surface but they will help your self esteem which will trickle down to almost every other aspect of your life and help you enjoy it more.
ReplyDeleteRock on!