Just got back in from my third run this week, and it felt really good - I think my body has finally got used to the whole exercise thing again!
Its quite nice to have an hour just inside my own head, thinking as I jog along. Tonight, one of the things that occupied my mind was the fuel my body was using to power my run.
It has struck me a few times on this weight-loss journey - when I look at my body and see just how much LESS of me there is than before...where exactly have I gone?
I've often imagined the streets of London slick with all the pounds of fat I've lost, pounded into the pavement by my increasingly-ratty running shoes. But tonight I was thinking, where did all that FAT come from?
Because all the terrible things I used to eat to become fat in the first place are now being used as fuel in the forging of the fitter, healthier me. All those monster-sized kebabs for lunch at school in Belgium; the endless chocolates and sandwiches I would sneak when I got home; the take-aways I ate when I was first at Uni, and couldn't be bothered to cook; the cakes, pies, chips, chocolates, ice-creams, pastries, candy and fizzy drinks I would diligently sample every night, as tonight was my LAST NIGHT before I FINALLY started eating healthily, so I'd better get all my binging done now.
All those things led me down the path to obesity, where I wallowed for what were meant to be the best years of my life. But NOW...
Now, that same junk food is what my body is using when I'm out on my runs. Granted, I'm running BECAUSE I'm fat and want to lose it, but if you look at it from a different angle - the running is making my heart stronger, my lungs healthier, improving my mood and boosting my confidence. I am using the fat to make that happen, the fat that arose from my years of profligate consumption.
I can't change the past. I can't undo all those years of binging. All I can do is work with what I have. Make the best of a bad situation.
And I am.