Evening all,
It has been a long while since I last properly weighed in. Part of that was because I had exams (which I think actually went OK, thank goodness), but its also just because...I couldn't be bothered. I've really found my interest and motivation in the whole program hit a wall in the last couple of weeks.
But hey, let's weigh in first, before we get into all that.
Week 10 - 218.4 (-0.5)
Week 11 - 219.4 (+1.0)
Week 12 - 222.4 (+3.0)
As you can see, in Week 10 I still wasn't running, but watching my diet meant I still recorded a little loss.
Week 11 was the lead-up to my exams, so I was eating slightly more, and pulling long nights powered by sugary energy drinks. As such, I expected my weight to go up that week. I actually went for a run that Sunday night though, so the gain of 1.0lb could probably have been even higher.
But its the Week 12 result that is the telling one. My exam was on Tuesday, and to be fair I was carb-loading in the lead up to it, trying to make sure my brain had all the energy it needed! But here's the thing - after that exam, I was effectively on holiday. With all the time in the world. No distractions, no deadlines - I should have (and I planned to) use it as a great chance to get back into exercise.
Instead, the increased eating really fired up my hunger, and the whole of last week was a return to the old "I'll start dieting tomorrow, so let's enjoy myself today" nonsense. I have been eating obscene amounts, and of absolute crap too. Its really disappointing, especially since I had planned to begin afresh on Wednesday after the exam!
As it is, I have to try and begin afresh today. Its really hard - I cannot express how HUNGRY I am right now, and how close I am to leaving the house this instant and going to pick up a kebab. But I'm going to have to try not to.
I have at least just got back from a run, which is a good sign...but as this post is already quite long I won't explain my plans just yet. We'll see if I can find the motivation to post again tomorrow. Honestly? I'm not promising anything. And I'm NOT saying that I'm giving up, not at all - I'm just not enjoying writing about it as much any more. Maybe I'm just feeling this way because I've been very stressed recently with exams, and still am with my course, all my debts, needing to find a part-time job, needing to find a cheaper place to live etc etc. I'm just not having any fun. And I don't want the blog to become too much about me just grumbling all the time. That said, I also don't want to be faking a cheery happy-go-lucky persona when I write, as that's disingenuous. So, we'll see.
As strange as it may sound, I was actually thinking about you today. I just didn't remember reading a recent post from you; then you were fresh in my news feed - so all is well in the world. Well, except for your drained sense of what you want to do. I can relate. I'm actually taking a break from blogging at the moment, but I still stalk my favorites.
ReplyDeleteWhat is a kebab? You write about it all the time, but I'm never quite sure what you are talking about.
I love your vocabulary.
The eating sounds a little out of control. Perhaps you could make a solid planned out menu to follow for 10-14 days to get back on track? Eat foods that will leave you satisfied while killing the cravings. Not planning is a scary thing! You can not walk out your door in this modern world of convenience and avoid temptation. It's on every corner. Don't go into the battle without your weapons (menu plan, packed lunch, fresh & wholesome foods).
I'm feeling very random at the moment, so this is the comment you get for today. All over the map! :)
Thanks April! I think sometimes I ought to just take breaks from blogging when I'm not feeling up to it - if I just decided that, I'd feel less guilty about disappearing for a while, AND I could avoid grumpy posts like this! Strangely enough, I feel better having huffed and puffed a little, so perhaps it was worth it after all!
ReplyDeleteSeriously you can't feel guilty about grumpy posts, it's your blog you can do whatever you like (though I'd be sad if you disappeared) Sometimes venting makes things feel a little better. Just remember that you can whip this, you really can, we all can. I understand that hunger, it's really hard to fight and when you've had some time focused on other things and eating more and less healthily it's really hard to re-channel your appetite in the right direction. I could waffle on about what works for me but only you know what works for you!
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