Covenants & Caveats

In my attempt to get this weight loss program working again, I decided to go back to first principles. What I was doing right back at the start was working really quite well, but then I started playing with the system, and things were never quite as successful, or sat as easily with me, as they did back then.

As such, I have gone back to my old ways. I weigh every day now, and have brought back my old spreadsheet (which is the eighth wonder of the world as far as I'm concerned - I really do have a man-crush on the thing). This helps me keep track of everything, by telling me my daily and weekly losses, the rates I'm losing at, how close to all my mini-targets I am, estimated completion dates at this rate of loss etc etc. I don't really know why I ever stopped using it, but its back in a big way!

The diet has gone back to the old system too. This means, basically, no carbs until my evening meal. I have an omelette for breakfast, and then chicken or something for lunch, to try and stick with protein for most of the day. This kept me fairly satisfied in the past, but I added some carbs in the evening to try and avoid going full-Atkins (which I'm still rather wary of). It worked before, so I'm hoping it will help me kick the carb-addiction that I've been giving in to far too often this year.

Those are some general rules, but I also have a few set promises to myself. Some of them might seem impossible, and as such, it might not seem very wise to try and make them a 'rule' per se. But when I started my weight-loss way back when, the weekly target I set myself was, also, far too high. I didn't reach it every week - but rather than deflate me, it was by striving to get as close to that target as I could that actually drove a lot of my old success. So, I'm not too concerned about setting targets that are too hard - they force me to work harder than easy targets ever have!

The following are the new rules. However, each one has an addendum, to give me at least SOME breathing space.

1) I will exercise every day  -  but it doesn't have to be running.

On the days I don't run, I want to start actually doing something else, rather than just writing off exercise altogether. I will do push-ups, sit-ups etc on the days I don't run, and might even throw the weights back into the mix, to try and get some variety.

2) I will weigh-in TWICE a week - but only the Monday one is official

This is to try and combat the pattern of dieting hard over the weekend to score a loss on Monday, and then relaxing and gaining at the start of the week, before repeating the cycle and striving to score a loss again by Monday. Instead, I will report my current weight on Wednesday or Thursday, just to try and encourage me to keep the losses consistent, rather than constantly up and down.

3) I will blog at least 3 times a week - even if just to say hi.

This one is more about making sure I am reading all your blogs too. Since I now keep track of the blogs I follow on my own homepage, I need to make sure I am visiting my own blog regularly, so that I can also keep track of who has updated! It might mean I have more short, pointless posts, but I'd rather be regular like that than forever be making these huge, unwieldy update posts.

4) I will lose weight every week - even if its only 0.1 lbs

This is the questionable one, as I have myself said that, some weeks, there's nothing you can do to avoid a gain. The thing is, I say that, but every gain I've had is because of something I've done wrong, or something I haven't done right. I've been making SO MANY excuses so far this year, and then brushing them off by saying 'at least' this or 'one off' that. I used to be much stricter with myself than this, so this rule is the one I'm most determined to keep. Of course, its also the one I'm most likely to fail in, but at least by aiming for it, I can limit any potential gains to a minimum.

So there, that's a taster of what I've got planned. I also mentioned before that I might have to change what I blog about, in order to blog more often...but in keeping with that spirit, I don't think I'll explain any further until tomorrow!

May Day! M'aidez! Help Me!

I said yesterday that I would let you know some of the new rules I'm going to be working by from here on out. Well, you're not getting them today, so there!

Instead, I thought it was time to apologise for the fact that, for a very long time, I've not been a very good member of the blogging community we have here.

The 'problem' started when my blog began to gain more readers. Now, I love the fact that you guys follow my blog and comment and support me from time to time. It really helps, and makes this blogging malarkey so much more rewarding.

The 'problem' was, I just didn't have time to read everyone else's blogs! I did my best for a while, by getting them all into my Feed Reader thing on my desktop. But when I got more than 10 followers, the number of updates each day (including from my usual sites, not just the bloggers) just became too many for me to fit in over breakfast. I streamlined my feeder, taking out all the blog ones, and instead added them onto my actual blog page (you can see the blogs I read down the right hand side). That worked, but only if I was, you know, actually coming to my own blog. And as you'll all know, my attendance to my blogging duties was questionable at best!

I guess what I'm saying is sorry. Sorry for not returning all the support others have given me over this journey. I'm really going to make more of an effort to stay up to speed an all your attempts, as I remember how much help I got from reading your advice, and how much more determined I was to succeed when I felt I was an active part of a weight-loss community on here. I intend to blog more often (which will require a change in what I blog about, but I'll get to that) and I hope that means I spend more time reading your own posts again. Not only do I think that's fair on you guys, but its going to help me out more too, as clearly what I've been doing so far this year hasn't exactly been working!

That's all for now - maybe TOMORROW I'll lay out the new Headspace rules of engagement!

Weeks 14-16 - RESULTS

EDIT: Haha ok, so I came back to my blog wondering why the only comments were on my older posts, rather than the latest ones. Turns out, I haven't been publishing my posts over the last few days, but have been saving them as drafts! My blogger dashboard has updated recently and I'd like to think that's why, rather than just me being an imbecile...but whatever the cause, you now get to enjoy three posts in VERY quick succession!

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Ok, I've got three weeks of updating to do, so we can see the full impact of my recent relapse. I'll take the weeks one by one rather than just roll them all into one, so we can see where I started to go wrong.

WEEK 14 START:   220.9 lbs

ENDING WEIGHT:  220.4 lbs

WEIGHT LOSS:    0.5 lbs

Hard to backtrack this far! This was the week following my Marathon Week weight loss. I went for another run on the...Wednesday I think...before heading home for a break. I was worried about binging while I was there, as has happened on each previous visit. I did eat rather more than I intended to, but managed to keep it in check, so still managed a fairly good loss.

WEEK 15 START:   220.4 lbs


ENDING WEIGHT: 221.8 lbs




WEIGHT GAIN:     1.4 lbs

This is where it started to unravel. When I went home I took back a lot of the books I had read over the previous year, and dragging that weight (over 100lbs) through the streets of London really hurt my arms, and what is more, I had to walk in a strange way to drag it effectively, and my hips became extremely sore. This was the excuse I had for not running at all in this week. My diet went out the window too, and this is where my sleep patterns went to heck, and I switched into my odd 48-hour cycle. All in all, I was on a downward spiral, and when I went up to visit my Dad at the weekend, we celebrated my exam pass with a big Indian meal, which didn't help matters!



WEEK 16 START:   221.8 lbs


ENDING WEIGHT: 223.9 lbs




WEIGHT GAIN:     2.1 lbs

 And then everything went to pot. This is where I reverted back into my old routine of binging every night, justifying it by telling myself I would start the diet again tomorrow, so could enjoy one last blow out. Still wasn't exercising either. I actually stopped weighing for most of this week, as I dreaded the scale!

So there we have it! Taken together as a 3-week bender, the gain of 3lbs might not actually seem very much, considering. However, as I've been so namby-pamby about the whole weight-loss regime this year, it takes me right back to where I was at the start - in effect, I have only lost 1lb since the start of the year.

In terms of maintaining my weight, this is actually quite impressive - but of course, I'm nowhere near goal yet, so have no right to be pleased about maintaining!

I started to feel fat again this week, and grew angry about it, which is something I haven't really felt since the start of this blog. I'm pleased about that, as I now have a fire in my belly again! I've got some new rules I plan to stick to from now on, but as this is already a long post, I think I'll save them for tomorrow!

 2012 Weight Loss: 

1.0 lbs (73.2 total loss)

The One With The Excuses

Hi all. Remember me?

First off, apologies for taking yet ANOTHER long leave of absence. When I last posted I was off home for a visit. After that I came back to London, then went off for another home visit. Then Uni started up again, and before I knew it, weeks had passed! I've been planning on posting again for most of this week, but never quite got round to it, and eventually decided to just leave it until Monday.

But I'm posting now. You see, I realised that this 'putting off' wasn't limited to just the blog. I've been putting off a lot of things in the last couple of weeks. To cut a long story short...I fell off the wagon. Big time.

The problems started just after my successful Marathon Week. I had thought that having a few weeks holiday after last term would give me a lot of time, with no commitments, in which I could exercise easily and get away with a calorie-restricted diet. In fact, it worked in almost completely the opposite way - having a few weeks off with no commitments meant I was sat in my room, twiddling my thumbs, with nothing to distract me from my appetite.

Another problem with the time off is that my sleep pattern got shot to hell. I actually wound up in a strange 48-hour cycle, where I would stay awake for 36 hours, have a massive 12-hour sleep binge, and then repeat again. This meant I was groggy in the morning and absolutely worn out the next morning, so I a) didn't feel up to any exercise, and b) was drinking a lot of high-sugar energy drinks.

And it wasn't just the sleep I've been binging on. In this last week, we had a full reversion to the old pattern - "I'll start dieting again tomorrow, so let's get all my binging out of my system tonight with one last blow out". We all remember how well that worked in the past, right?

All in all, its been a terrible couple of weeks (punctuated by the somewhat good news that I passed my last set of exams!). The funny thing is though, there's a part of me which is glad.

You see, its obvious to me (and no doubt to you) that I've been treading water for MONTHS. The old enthusiasm that drove me to my early successes at the start was replaced with...I don't know...satisfaction? I was pleased with my progress (and I am still a lot lighter than I was this time last year), but I have been losing and then regaining the same weight since last summer. I've never really rediscovered that old zeal...until (perhaps) now.

You see, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel FAT again. Part of my brain has been registering the regular small losses I've made, but has been discounting the gains that undo them. As such, a moment came this week where I looked in the mirror, and the figure reflected back didn't match the expectation in my head anymore. It all came crashing back into focus. And I got MAD.

I'm ready to start doing this properly again. I'm going to wrap up this post now as its already too long, but there are going to be some changes coming - changes to how I use this blog, and the content/style of my posts. I'll explain more in a future entry, and will log off for now. I'll see you tomorrow for a catch-up weigh-in, where you can expect a large gain (I expect), but also a promise...

Realisations

Hi all!

I wanted to post something this morning, as I'm off home this afternoon for a couple of days and don't know if I'll have a chance to blog, and didn't want to be silent until the weekend. I've only really got two things to talk about today, both realisations I've had this week - one bad, the other good.

The bad realisation I've had involves the state of my diet. As well as my running target last week, I also wanted to really try and pay more attention to what I was eating, as my dieting wasn't as effective as it had been, and my exercising wasn't having quite the same impact. Also, with money an increasing concern, I thought I could kill two birds with one stone, and really look at what I was buying and eating by holding on to my receipts for the week.

Well, let's just say I have been eating FAR more junk than I was admitting to myself. My standard food shop is actually pretty healthy and budget friendly, but what became apparent on going through my receipts is all the little extras and 'treats' that have snuck in. When I go to the supermarket I do my normal shop, but there are several additions that have no business being in there. If I've been exercising, I'll treat myself to some chocolate or ice-cream. I'll buy some carb-heavy processed junk food 'just for today'. I'll buy a pack of candy 'just for now and then', but the truth is I'll graze on them all day, and they won't last until the next. What is worse, all these additions have been sneaking under my 'calorie radar', and when I try to tally up how many calories I think I've eating on a given day, I'll often severely underestimate the impact all these 'little extras' have been having.

Well, not any more! Now I'm aware of it, I can start trying to deal with it. I think what I need to do, rather than eat whatever I want and then try to add up the calories at the end of the day, is to allocate myself a calorie limit every morning. Each meal will be subtracted from this total, and when its gone, I'm not allowed to eat anymore. That's the best way I can think of to actually keep track of how many calories are in each meal, where the extras are coming from, and what foods work best for my diet.

On a more positive note, I have rediscovered the joys of the early-morning run. I started running in the afternoon during my marathon week, as then I had slightly longer before the next run the following evening. Well, last night I couldn't (and didn't) sleep at all, so when it got to 5am, I decided to just go out for a run, before the commuter traffic hit. And it was wonderful! I always used to run at dawn in the past, and even said that I preferred it, way back at the start of the blog. But recently, I've only been going out in the evening.

It just feels fantastic, exercising first thing - the air is fresh and clear, there's nobody about and you feel like the city is yours, you start your day off actively and positively, and to see the sky pale as I pound the streets just makes me feel so much more alive than an evening run into ever-deepening gloom. It literally is a new day dawning, and its great for motivation. I plan on trying to make my runs early-morning as much as I can from hereon out.

Anyway, that's it! I'm going to try and exercise while I'm at home too, which will mean going back to old routes I haven't run in years. I've already said how I tend to binge when I go home, so I'm really going to have to watch that. I'll update again at the weekend, to let you know how I've done!

2012 Week 13 - RESULTS

After achieving my goal of running a marathon distance last week, how has the weight been affected?

STARTING WEIGHT:   222.4 lbs

ENDING WEIGHT:  220.9 lbs

WEIGHT LOSS:    1.5 lbs

Now, on the one hand, this is a pretty substantial loss, which is very satisfying. Also, coming after a two week period where I gained weight, it is nice to see the scales moving in the right direction again.


I've always made an effort not to focus too much on negatives, but I have to be honest, sometimes its the negatives that drive me on more than the positives. As such, there are a few things about this weigh-in that still frustrate me.


1) After running almost 30 miles last week, I might have expected a bigger loss
2) Last week's loss doesn't undo the gains over the preceding two weeks, so I am still 'up'
3) I have been losing and regaining the same 10 lbs for months now, and I'm getting bored of it




So there they are. Its these sort of facts that drive me on far more successfully than the positive aspects, I find. So, let's hope I can use them to score another loss this coming week!


I'm resting from exercise today, but still want to try and get in at least three runs this week. Also, I am heading home for a short visit on Wednesday. On every previous visit home, my diet has gone out of the window, and I've binged on bread and chocolates and flapjacks etc etc. I HAVE to try and resist this time around - it would really damage my resolve to take a step backwards so soon after another period of gains. I'm going to take my running gear with me, and try to exercise while I'm there, to try and undo any slips I might make, and I'll still have the weekend here in London, so if I do misbehave, I can get a couple more runs in before weigh-in on Monday!

 2012 Weight Loss: 

4.0 lbs (76.2 total loss)

Marathon Week - VICTORY!

 

I did it!

Ended up waking up a lot later than I planned to today, as some of the other people on our estate were apparently raised in a zoo, and were screeching and howling at each other until dawn. Still, as soon as I woke up I got on my running gear and hit the pavements!

I knew I had to run less than a mile to reach my target, but I did the full distance anyway, so my tally for the week is actually almost 30 miles, well over the marathon distance I planned for. Very pleased!

I wonder if I'll ever be fit enough to actually run a marathon? Or even just a half-marathon? I read somewhere that different runners are built for different disciplines - that some are natural sprinters, some are more inclined to long distance etc. If that's true, then I think I must be built for the couch, as I don't see myself as particularly fast on the straight OR overly rich in stamina. I worked out from my distances and times that week that, if I could maintain my usual pace and not stop, I would run a marathon in 4 hours 10 minutes. That's complete nonsense of course, as its taken me a week to cover that distance, but it certainly gives me something to aim for, if I ever did decide to tackle the big one!

Its a shame my weight doesn't reflect the effort I've put in to the running this week. I was certainly at a loss as of this morning, but nowhere near what one might reasonably expect after almost 30 miles of exercise! Then again, this week was ALWAYS about getting back into the exercise groove, and I think I've done that, so let's see if we can do something with the scales next week, eh?

Final Mile...

Hello again!

I just got back in from my sixth run this week. The DailyMile widget over on the right is already recording a weekly distance of 26 miles, but that's because it rounds up - I've actually run 6 x 4.26 miles, so 25.56 miles so far.

And that, of course, means that I have less than one mile to go hit my target of covering a marathon distance this week!

I'll be really proud of it as an achievement, but I know that to the more serious runners out there (the ones who, you know, actually run marathons), it might seem like small potatoes.

It has made me wonder though, what my actual running limits are. I've chosen my regular distance of 4-and-a-bit miles, just because at a regular pace I can cover that distance, plus a pre-run warm up and a post-run shower, in more or less exactly an hour. That made it nice and easy to fit into my daily schedule.

There are two stats I often see other runners quote though, that I have no data for:

1) How fast I can run a mile

2) How far can I run non-stop

My average speed over my usual run is about 9-10 minutes a mile, but I never sprint (expect occasionally right at the end), and I am pacing myself for the whole distance, so I would be interested to see how fast I can run just a single mile, flat out. I'd have to find a running track or something to test it out though, as I usually run on the busy London streets, and regularly have to stop for traffic or sleepy pedestrians!

As for how far I can run...I honestly don't know. I certainly feel ready to stop once I've reached the end of my regular distance. Then again, my breathing has usually returned to normal within about 20 seconds of stopping, and my time hasn't really improved after about a year of running...so I expect I'm not really pushing myself as far as I could go.

I'm tempted to try both these out in due course. Not too soon though - going to give myself a day off after Marathon Week!

Day 4 of Marathon Week...

So far, so good!

Just got my fourth run done, so I've now covered 16 miles for the week, leaving me with 10 and a bit miles left this week for me to hit my marathon distance. Well, I say that, but...

This is my jogging route mapped out according to DailyMile, the fitness site I recently started using to track my exercise (you can see the widget over on the right).

Now the thing is, when I planned this route, I used Google Earth, and on that software, the route I run is exactly 4 miles.

The DailyMile map above also seems to use Google, but when I put my route into the map there, it comes out at a whole quarter of a mile longer!

I'm satisfied that I should at least be covering the 4 miles I plan to, but if there's any chance I've actually been running more than that (even only quarter of a mile more) I'll be happy!

On another note, you'll notice I've been blogging more this week. Part of that is forced, trying to make myself post more often, in the hopes I get into the habit again. But you know something else? I've realised that a lot of the things I want to post about occur to me on my runs! So when I'm not running, I can't think of anything to post, and when I'm not posting I lose motivation, so I don't run as much...its a vicious circle that (touch wood) I won't fall into again any time soon!

Day 3 of Marathon Week

Just got back in from my third run of the week. So far, we seem to be on track, and if all goes well I should hit my marathon distance sometime on Sunday.

Its funny - for weeks before now, I've been looking for any excuse not to exercise, and yet now, its second nature. I actually found myself out on today's run before I'd even decided I was going - it just sort of happened, because I was bored. I don't know why sometimes exercise seems to be the last thing I want to do, whereas on other days its just a given, and I don't even have to think about it. Funny old world, I guess!

I'm getting quite sore now, and the blisters are rearing their ugly heads, but I think I've got enough left in the tank to hit my goal this week. I don't know what the weight will be like though - I lost a hefty amount after Monday's run, but this morning the weight had gone back up again (still at a loss, but Tuesday's run seems to have caused me to gain weight). I've already said that this has happened before, when I don't take my rest-days between exercise, so it means I can't at all predict Monday's weigh-in! If I've exercised every day before then though, I won't really mind so much.

Marathon Week

Evening all!

After yesterday's quite grumpy post, I actually feel pretty perky today! I think I just needed to vent a little. I felt perfectly justified ignoring my weight-loss during revision, but once the post-exam happiness wore off, all I was left with was a substantial gain in weight, and the realisation that I would have to lose the same pounds ALL OVER AGAIN. They say hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I'm sure I COULD have exercised, had I planned my revision better/done it earlier. But hey, that's enough focussing on past failures, right? Let's look forward to what I've got planned for this week!

And the title rather gives it away. This week, I am running a marathon. Now, before anyone gets too impressed, I'm not REALLY running a marathon. Rather, I'm trying to cover a marathon distance before my Monday weigh-in.

As I usually run 4 miles when I exercise, and a marathon is 26.2 miles, I have decided to just try and run my 4-mile route every day this week. If I manage it that will give me 28 miles, so a marathon and then some, but its nice to have some breathing space, so I can cut one run short if I want to.

I have actually done this before, on my previous weight loss attempt (so some time around 2009-2010). I decided to do it again this week, as a way of kick-starting the weight loss again, now my exams are over. I've got a couple of weeks before Uni starts up again, and I want to use this time, when I'm free of commitments, to really nail down some things. Things like getting into a regular exercise routine. A regular DAILY routine, in fact - I want set sleep hours, set times when I ought to be working, etc etc. I've been coasting for so long, and one of the reasons I had to forgo exercise during revision was because I'd left it so late.

I've written about this before - when I was planning to lose weight in the past, I would always put it off, always say I would start tomorrow. The same thing has been happening in other aspects of my life, for about as long - I put things off, leave them to the last minute, and then just do enough to get by. I'm the king of procrastinators! I know I'm capable of so much more than I let myself achieve, and its especially frustrating as I've actually achieved quite a lot in my time, so I can't help but wonder how much better I'd be if I wasn't winging it all the time!

As such, I'm hoping that some of the lessons I've learned from my weight loss can be used to improve other aspects of my life. Its a lot to ask for, I know, but fingers crossed.

Anyway, a bit of a diversion there! I ran on Monday and again this evening, so I've already bagged 8 miles for this week towards my goal. The weight is already at a decent loss, but I don't want to count my chickens just yet - the last time I did this marathon week, I didn't actually lose very much weight, for whatever reason (retaining water/building muscle/eating more to compensate etc etc). In a way this week isn't so much about losing weight as it is about getting back into my exercise. That is the main goal, and if I can achieve that, the weight loss will follow!

2012 Weeks 10-12 Results, and UPDATE

Evening all,

It has been a long while since I last properly weighed in. Part of that was because I had exams (which I think actually went OK, thank goodness), but its also just because...I couldn't be bothered. I've really found my interest and motivation in the whole program hit a wall in the last couple of weeks.

But hey, let's weigh in first, before we get into all that.

Week 10 - 218.4 (-0.5)

Week 11 - 219.4 (+1.0)

Week 12 - 222.4 (+3.0)

As you can see, in Week 10 I still wasn't running, but watching my diet meant I still recorded a little loss.

Week 11 was the lead-up to my exams, so I was eating slightly more, and pulling long nights powered by sugary energy drinks. As such, I expected my weight to go up that week. I actually went for a run that Sunday night though, so the gain of 1.0lb could probably have been even higher.

But its the Week 12 result that is the telling one. My exam was on Tuesday, and to be fair I was carb-loading in the lead up to it, trying to make sure my brain had all the energy it needed! But here's the thing - after that exam, I was effectively on holiday. With all the time in the world. No distractions, no deadlines - I should have (and I planned to) use it as a great chance to get back into exercise.

Instead, the increased eating really fired up my hunger, and the whole of last week was a return to the old "I'll start dieting tomorrow, so let's enjoy myself today" nonsense. I have been eating obscene amounts, and of absolute crap too. Its really disappointing, especially since I had planned to begin afresh on Wednesday after the exam!

As it is, I have to try and begin afresh today. Its really hard - I cannot express how HUNGRY I am right now, and how close I am to leaving the house this instant and going to pick up a kebab. But I'm going to have to try not to. 

I have at least just got back from a run, which is a good sign...but as this post is already quite long I won't explain my plans just yet. We'll see if I can find the motivation to post again tomorrow. Honestly? I'm not promising anything. And I'm NOT saying that I'm giving up, not at all - I'm just not enjoying writing about it as much any more. Maybe I'm just feeling this way because I've been very stressed recently with exams, and still am with my course, all my debts, needing to find a part-time job, needing to find a cheaper place to live etc etc. I'm just not having any fun. And I don't want the blog to become too much about me just grumbling all the time. That said, I also don't want to be faking a cheery happy-go-lucky persona when I write, as that's disingenuous. So, we'll see.