Have I maintained my newly invigorated weight loss approach?
STARTING WEIGHT: 220.5 lbs
ENDING WEIGHT: 219.4 lbs
WEIGHT LOSS: 1.1 lbs
Again, very pleased with the loss this week, and awesome to be out of the 220's. (Again - let's hope I stay out this time!) I was actually just past my target of 1.3lbs a week when I weighed in Sunday morning, but I went out for dinner and drinks with a friend on Sunday, and although I knew it would impact my weight and tried my best, I still lost a bit of my progress by this morning.
Another blogger, Fatboy Kris, commented on this phenomenon in his post here. The closer you get to your goal weight, the bigger a negative impact occurs when you relax your dieting rules even slightly. In the past, going out for a proper restaurant meal and some drinks would have meant I stayed the same weight, but these days it causes the weight to go right back on again. It does make me slightly nervous about trying to maintain my weight once I reach goal...but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!
And besides, the above is very nearly my target loss, and with the big loss last week, I'm still ahead of schedule, and well on track with my new goal. I could have gone for a run yesterday evening, but didn't want to be too tired as I stayed up to watch the Oscars (which started about 1.30am over here in the UK, a bit of a pain but I do try to watch it every year!).
I'm a lot more comfortable with my exercise now too - far less deliberating over whether or not I want to, and I no longer feel like I've been hit by a truck the day after. With exams looming soon I'm not going to go overboard just yet, but I'm thinking that, in the weeks after my exam, I might try a little exercise challenge I achieved once, a long time ago. I won't say more now in case events conspire to prevent it, but if I do, I shall let you all know in due course!
Just got back in from my third run this week, and it felt really good - I think my body has finally got used to the whole exercise thing again!
Its quite nice to have an hour just inside my own head, thinking as I jog along. Tonight, one of the things that occupied my mind was the fuel my body was using to power my run.
It has struck me a few times on this weight-loss journey - when I look at my body and see just how much LESS of me there is than before...where exactly have I gone?
I've often imagined the streets of London slick with all the pounds of fat I've lost, pounded into the pavement by my increasingly-ratty running shoes. But tonight I was thinking, where did all that FAT come from?
Because all the terrible things I used to eat to become fat in the first place are now being used as fuel in the forging of the fitter, healthier me. All those monster-sized kebabs for lunch at school in Belgium; the endless chocolates and sandwiches I would sneak when I got home; the take-aways I ate when I was first at Uni, and couldn't be bothered to cook; the cakes, pies, chips, chocolates, ice-creams, pastries, candy and fizzy drinks I would diligently sample every night, as tonight was my LAST NIGHT before I FINALLY started eating healthily, so I'd better get all my binging done now.
All those things led me down the path to obesity, where I wallowed for what were meant to be the best years of my life. But NOW...
Now, that same junk food is what my body is using when I'm out on my runs. Granted, I'm running BECAUSE I'm fat and want to lose it, but if you look at it from a different angle - the running is making my heart stronger, my lungs healthier, improving my mood and boosting my confidence. I am using the fat to make that happen, the fat that arose from my years of profligate consumption.
I can't change the past. I can't undo all those years of binging. All I can do is work with what I have. Make the best of a bad situation.
Just got back in from my run, so its time to knuckle down and answer the questions posed to me by Jodi over at AndInMyCorner!
The rules are I have to post 11 random facts about myself, then answer the questions specifically posed by Jodi. I'm also supposed to invent some questions of my own for other bloggers, but as I don't know who has already been tagged previously by this, I shall leave it open - if any readers have yet to answer 11 questions...answer these ones!
So, without further ado...
11 Random Facts About Headspace
1) I was born in London, then moved abroad and lived in Germany, Belgium and New Zealand before returning to London for medical school, 17 years after I left!
2) I once won a chocolate-eating competition at a factory in Switzerland
3) I once made a sandwich for Vanessa Redgrave
4) I own an acre of moon
5) I collect swords
6) I performed in three different shows at the same time during the 2006 Edinburgh Fringe Festival
7) Depending on where I met the friend, my nicknames include Lord, Duke, PartyBoy, Bubba, Feng or Liebchen!
8) I was awarded a prize from the Royal Society of Chemistry at the age of 14, beating out all my same-aged peers in the country
9) I have scars in my left eyebrow, on my left thumb, on my left shoulder and on my...right shin
10) I am allergic to penicillin
11) I am barred from a Chinese buffet restaurant in the city of York
And now...
Questions I Was Asked To Answer
1) Why did you start blogging?Because I know I'm not the best self-motivator, as evidenced by the fact that I gained so much weight, and that my previous attempts to lose it had failed. I wanted to be more open/public about my weight loss attempt, but didn't feel up to telling family or friends, hence an (initially) anonymous blog!
2) If you could do anything without getting caught, what would you do? Tough one! Probably something involving a lot of money, although I'd temper my guilt by doing good with some of it. Actually...scrap that. I'd go all Fox Mulder, and break into either the Vatican Archives or Area 51, and find out...nothing much at all I expect, but still! The truth is out there!
3) What is your favourite part of the day and why? Not sure, probably that time before bed when I'm done for the day, and I'm just killing time, watching movies or reading blogs etc, before turning in. Its a terrible time also, as I should be either doing something productive or sleeping, but I never do, so I must love it!
4) What moment would you like to re-live? Again, a tough one - do I just get to relive the moment (in which case I choose a nice one), or live it over again, and be able to change it? (In that case, I chose...oh gosh, so many terrible decisions!)
5) What is your favourite comfort food? I was about to write doner kebab, as that's been my bane in the last few months (new place opened 5 mins from me). However, its not really true. You know what? There's a reason I refuse to buy it anymore, because my best comfort food is probably...bread and butter! Thick-cut bread, with a thick slathering of butter. Sigh...
6) What would your perfect holiday look like? I like mountains, and pine forests, and waterfalls (no beach holidays for me, thanks). So a cabin somewhere, with all those things nearby, good company if they like it too, a good book if not. Bliss.
7) Regular cell phone or smart phone? Well, technically its a smart phone, but i have doubts over its credentials at times...I'm thinking it lied on its CV to get the job as my phone...
8) Best feature? In me - sense of humour, probably (smoothly avoids picking a physical feature there...)
9) Where do you see yourself 1 year from now? Still at medical school!
10) What song describes your life? Spotlight, by The Waifs
11) Why is it that? Struggled to answer this one, as I'm not big on music. However, I chose the song above (and embedded below), by a fairly unknown (in the UK at least) Australian band. I first heard it when I was travelling overseas. I think technically its a song about finding someone else, but on first hearing I took it to mean finding yourself. That's sort of what I was trying to do on my travels, and in a way I'm still doing, so it gets my vote. Hope you guys like it as much as I do!
Anyway, that's me all done folks, hope you enjoyed finding out a little more about me!
Ok, so maybe this isn't technically the first birthday of the blog per se, but (as I've drummed into you all since day one) I started my weight loss attempt in earnest on 21st February 2011. The blog only came to life one week later, when I weighed in and saw my progress, and decided that I wanted to track this in a more public forum. However, I was thinking about ways to improve my compliance to the program from the get go, so I don't feel like too much of a fraud to celebrate 1 year of Idle To Idol today!
My first ever post was titled Let's Get This Ball Of Lard Rolling... That's how I felt back then - like a big, mushy, useless pile of fat. I still can't believe that was a whole year ago! In some ways, the time has absolutely flown by.
When I started, I didn't really have a goal date in mind. In order to give some kind of impetus, I said I wanted to lose as much weight as possible before my brother's wedding. Then, I thought that maybe I could hit goal by the New Year. Now here I am, one year on, still trying to shed those last few pounds...but I don't feel bad about that for a second.
Why? Because it is ONE YEAR ON.
I had been telling myself I wanted to lose weight for about ten years before I started. Instead, I just gradually continued to gain weight, and my confidence went down the drain. There were a few efforts to kick-start some weight loss in those years, and progress was made, but I always lost focus before too long, and ended up heavier than before.
There have absolutely been ups and downs in the past year too. And I don't just mean on the scales! In my motivation, my confidence, my self-image, my sense of worth and possibility, and ambition.
However, even when my motivation dropped, and I stopped exercising, and was less strict on the diet, and the weight started to rise again...I never gave up. I never surrendered. And THAT is the real triumph and legacy of this blog, in my eyes. During my regular winter slump, I could very easily have regained most of the weight, given up on exercising, tried to eat my gloom away and consigned myself to a lifetime of obesity, depression and self-loathing. Deleted the blog, and pretended that the last year never happened.
But this winter, although I still lost some motivation, and gained back some of the weight, I didn't cave completely. I recognised the slump for what it was, managed to limit the amount of weight I regained, and I turned it into a blip, rather than a back-sliding avalanche.
Now, coming out of my winter gloom, I find myself not heavier than the previous year, but over 75lbs lighter. I fully expect to experience the same blip again this coming winter, but now I know that I can get through it, I very much see my journey as big leaps forward in spring and summer, trying to maintain those losses through autumn, and then limiting the damage caused in winter. Ten steps forward, one step back.
This time next year, I fully hope and expect and intend to be at goal. I can't wait to see what happens between now and then...and I hope some of you will come along for the journey!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your support over the last year. I couldn't have done it without you.
So, how have I done in my first week back in the groove?
STARTING WEIGHT: 222.6 lbs
ENDING WEIGHT: 220.5 lbs
WEIGHT LOSS: 2.1 lbs
That's more like it! Very pleased with this weigh-in, which is almost the same drop in one week as i've managed since the start of the year. And that's all thanks to the exercise! Got three runs in this week, and although my times are quite slower than they were previously, I am at least still getting my miles in.
You know something though? I think I can do even better. I only went for three runs last week, but could probably manage four. I went out drinking on Wednesday night, which set me back a little, and I struggled with the new diet a bit at the start of the week. So, I reckon I could do better. I'm not 100% sure though, as my rate of loss has definitely slowed!
At the end of the day, I achieved my aim for this week, which was to hit my target loss of 1.3 lbs. It would be great if I could do that again next week...so, better stick with it!
After my run on Friday night, I stepped onto the scales on Saturday with less excitement than before, as my last post-run weigh was somewhat less than inspiring.
Imagine my shock when the scales showed a loss of 4 lbs!
I was delighted, but obviously slightly skeptical. One the one hand, I wondered if my weight had finally accounted for the Tuesday run too, and what I was seeing was a genuine loss for the week.
On the other hand, I know that my Saturday weigh-ins are prone to a little something I call The Sleep Factor.
After my Friday night run, I usually head straight to bed, and for the first time in the week, I don't set an alarm. This means I usually get a decent amount of kip, and almost without fail, my weigh-in on Saturday morning will be a good one.
But the following day, the loss usually disappears. True enough, when I weighed in this morning, I had gained 3 lbs - still a loss over the two day period, but a marked reduction!
I'm fairly sure that this is simply a case of dehydration. After getting about 6 hours sleep a night during the week, suddenly I wake up after 9-10 hours (sometimes even 12...give me a break, I'm a student!), and that's got to be a big part of it.
Anyway, I've been good with my calories again today (feeling quite peckish now to be honest, but I've had my calories for the day, so suck it up!), and I'm going to go for another run in an hour or so, so fingers crossed I make my target weight loss for the week tomorrow morning!
Just got back in from my second run of the week. Even though I had a two-day break, it was quite a painful run - my legs still haven't got used to the effort! That said, I did walk my usual 4 miles before the run, so that may have been a factor too.
My weigh-in this morning was also frustrating, but in a different way from before. This morning, I kept getting two different results! I always weigh more than once, and reposition the scales, just to make sure I'm getting an accurate reading. Well this morning, I couldn't - sometimes I would record a weight that showed I had reached my goal for the week. The other times, it showed a slight gain for the week!
Generally I go for the higher one, to err on the side of caution. But with the renewed effort this week, my gut feeling is the lower weight is the accurate one. I'm hoping that, after tonight's run, the scales sort themselves out over the weekend, and I can get a reliable loss for the week!
After my run on Tuesday night, I was quite excited when I stepped on the scales Wednesday morning. That soon turned to disappointment when I saw the figure had barely dropped.
Of course, I might have been expecting too much - after all, it was my first run in...what, about a month? And only my second of the year. Even so, I was expecting to see slightly more. For the rest of Wednesday I watched what I was eating, but then went out with a friend in the evening, and had a few drinks. It wasn't a long night though (it was a Wednesday, after all!), and after watching my calorie intake during the day, I figured I could still shed a little, or at least maintain the same weight.
When I weighed-in this morning, my weight had gone back up again! I'm still at a slight loss for the week so far, but after a few days of calorie restriction and a good run, the loss is no different from what I've been seeing over the last few weeks, with no running and barely watching my food!
Of course, I'm not reading too much in to it at this stage - I know my new weight-loss push is still in its early days, and after losing so much last year, I accept that the going will be slower for my last few pounds. But still, I'd have expected to at least lose a little more than I have been when making minimal effort!
Over the winter, this seeming lack of progress would have knocked my motivation and probably put me off exercise and dieting for a while. But not any more! Now, I really want to get a few more runs in this week, and MAKE myself lose more weight - I'll be really disappointed if I don't reach my target loss in my first week of aiming for it! Frustratingly I don't have time to run this evening, as I'll be working for a few more hours. However, I can definitely get a run in on Friday and Sunday night, and might even see if I'm up for a Saturday run as well. I WILL reach my target weight for this week, I WILL!
So in the end, I didn't go for a run last night. How's that for commitment, eh?
Luckily I made up for it today. I got in 4 miles of walking to and from the hospital this morning, and I just got back in from a 4 mile run. It's only my second of the year so far, which is pretty shocking really, but I'm hoping to improve on that in the coming weeks, as my new motivation and drive kicks in.
I really think I need to start warming down more effectively though, or at least look up how to do it properly. The first run of this year left me sore, stiff and grumpy for almost a week afterwards. I'm going to do some stretches now, and then have a hot shower, as ideally I'd like to get another run in on Thursday, and a third on Saturday, but I know that will depend on my legs actually being able to take it!
Slightly frustrated that, at some point between my first 2012 run and this evening, I seem to have stood on the screen of the small iPod I use for my running songs. It still plays fine, but I used to use the track lengths to see how long each run took (put the playlist on shuffle and don't skip any tracks, then add up the total length of all the tracks played, and voila, you're time!). I can't do that easily anymore, but luckily I can still just about make out the track names on what's left of the screen, so I had to check their running times in my iTunes!
As I don't plan on running tomorrow evening, I need to think of something else to do exercise-wise. I might just take some extra walking mileage, as I'm due to head out to a comedy club to see an old friend do some stand-up. It's one of the invites I would have summarily ignored in the past, but ANOTHER part of my new drive this spring (outside of the weight loss) is to do more with my time. Rather than days on end sitting in front of my laptop, I want to start getting out there more and having some fun. Of course, being in a bar presents its own challenges to any weight loss attempt, so I will check in with how it all went tomorrow evening!
Oh, and just a quick note to any singleton's out there, or even those of you who aren't...
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
It's a day I've been more or less ignoring for several years now, and in the past my weight and subsequent lack of confidence was certainly one of the reasons I scorned it, and all those who enjoyed themselves on February 14th - pure bald envy on my part of course! So this year, to anyone who openly enjoys today, to anyone who pretends to hate it but would actually be happy to receive a Valentine, or to you true-blue haters of all things heart-shaped...
As mentioned yesterday, I predicted a gain over last week, so let's see what the scales read!
STARTING WEIGHT: 222.3 lbs
ENDING WEIGHT: 222.6 lbs
WEIGHT GAIN: 0.3 lbs
Although I expected to see a gain, this wasn't actually as bad as I was thinking. Obviously its not good to EVER see your weight go back up, but I was worried that I would wipe out whole weeks of progress, and as it turns out, I'm still at a tiny net loss for the last two weeks.
But enough about that! In my posts yesterday I said that I would be basing my new weekly target on whatever weight I recorded today. I still have 25.9 lbs to lose before I reach my goal weight. I also want to make my weekly target for weight-loss realistic - something more than I've been losing to date, to make it a challenge, but not SO much more that I can't actually achieve it.
As such, I have chosen a new target date - the midpoint of the year in fact, 1st July 2012. That gives me 140 days to lose the 25.9 lbs remaining, which leaves me with just under 0.2lbs a day to shift, or about 1.3 lbs a week.
That works very well for me, so I want to try and hit 221.3 by this time next week to see if the new target is manageable. I'm going out for a run in a little while, to get this week (and indeed, this new big push) off to a good start. Wish me luck!
Now that I've spent a while talking about the problems and barriers I've been experiencing in the last few months, let's talk about the future, shall we?
At the risk of saying it for the THIRD time...my motivation and energy are always a lot better in the spring, after a dull and lethargic (hell, downright lazy) winter. I swear, somewhere in my evolutionary past is a big, hulking, hibernating bear of an ancestor, and I'm a genetic throwback, I'm sure of it. I could happily do nothing from November to February except sleep, eat, and occasionally scratch myself. But enough of that!
I've been feeling my old appetite for weight loss return over the last few weeks. It's been building slowly, but I've gradually found myself deciding against those big suppers, itching for a run, weighing more often during the week. I thought that maybe this would all build to a head, and I could finally switch gears and get this year going on the anniversary of my weight loss attempt, which hits on February 21st.
However, things have reached a head NOW, and rather than have another week in the doldrums, waiting for the 21st before I start doing this properly again...I have decided to start tomorrow!
From tomorrow, IdleToIdol is back in business.
So what's going to change? In what ways am I going to reignite my weight loss? Here's a few of the things I'm finally feeling energised for:
- WEIGH EVERY DAY. Because I haven't been. At all. For ages. Sometimes I've literally only stepped on the scales on a Monday morning, to see what damage has been wrought the previous week. I know that works for some people, but I do much better when I weigh every day, so starting tomorrow, its the first thing I do in the morning!
- BLOG MORE OFTEN. I've already said that I don't know what I'll write about. I'm toying with the idea of posting every day, even if its just a few sentences, just to make sure I'm thinking about the blog (and therefore my weight-loss) every day. I don't know if I'll manage that, but I certainly don't like the way I've only been doing weigh-in updates every fortnight or so. That's no good. What's the point of blogging if I'm not going to, you know, blog? Watch this space...
- GET BACK INTO EXERCISE. Only one run in 2012 so far. Pitiful. And the real problem is, I haven't been doing anything else to compensate. I would like to run every other day, but I need to do something on the days I'm not running too, either weights, or a series of push-ups, sit-ups etc in my room. That gives me three options to choose from, and even if I don't feel up to a run, I want to make sure I'm doing something each day, even if its just for the psychological boost of being able to tell myself I've done something.
- BRING BACK MY WEEKLY TARGETS. I said that I'd do without them this year...well, see how well that turned out? I used to really like the feeling of having a little challenge each week, a little target to aim for. I want to get that feeling back, so when I weigh in tomorrow morning, I'm going to have a look and see if I can find a suitable new target date, that gives me a manageable weekly target. With 25+ lbs still to lose and my rate of weight loss slowing, I think it'll be quite a long-term plan, but I'll decide in the morning.
So there it is! I should also point out that this new energy isn't just being funnelled into my weight loss. I have a brand new chart on my wall with all kinds of things I now plan on achieving, be it on a day-to-day basis, or by this time next month etc. I'm finally feeling confident that I can do this again. Let's get to it!
I have already mentioned it in a previous post, but I always find that my motivation, my energy, and my general mood, all seem to wane during the winter. It struck me as odd when I finally made the connection, as I've always considered myself as more comfortable in the cold than the hot, and December packs in my birthday, Christmas AND New Year's Eve. What's not to like?
None the less, I have frequently found that plans I make and follow during spring and summer hit a wall during the winter. My last attempt at weight loss before the current one I am blogging about, started in a summer and progressed really well until Christmas time, when I lost all my progress and in fact ended up heavier than I was before I started.
The same thing has happened this time around, although on a smaller scale. I have hardly been posting, I have hardly been running, I have paid very little attention to what I have been eating, and the pattern of my weight-loss has been small losses for a period of weeks, followed by one big gain to take me right back to where I started. Two steps forward, one leap back. I have been losing the same 10 pounds for months now!
It got me wondering - do I stop posting on my blog because my motivation is gone, and I'm not thinking about my weight loss any more...or, does my motivation fade because I stop blogging, and therefore stop thinking about my weight loss on a regular basis? Which comes first? Chicken, or egg?
I really want to start blogging more regularly again. Part of the problem is just that I've run out of things to say - when I began, I could fill posts with how I was putting myself down in the past, how my new program of weight loss was benefiting me etc etc. But that's all been said now, and nearly a year in, I feel I've got everything off my chest that I wanted to. So what now? What do I actually blog about? I don't see myself as one of those who blogs about different exercises I've done at the gym (as I don't use one), or one that lists the different recipes and diets I've been using (as I tend to follow a very similar diet day to day). It's been bugging me for a while, trying to work out what to do with IdleToIdol...and I still don't have a solution!
However, I have one more post to make this evening. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, and expect to be blogging a lot more regularly from here on out. You have been warned!
I haven't updated in quite a while, but I've got a fair amount to get down before tomorrow morning, so let's see how we go...
STARTING WEIGHT: 222.8 lbs
ENDING WEIGHT: 222.3 lbs
WEIGHT LOSS: 0.5 lbs
As I mentioned, after not blogging for a while, I now want to write quite a bit tonight, but rather than have one massive post, I think I'll break it down into two or maybe even three separate entries.
To keep this one focussed on Week 4...well, I saw another small loss, which is good. I still haven't been for a run in ages though, and I'm still at just the one for 2012 so far. I did plan on going a few days back, but the snow and ice that suddenly struck the UK decided me against it (and I'm STILL not sure if that's a genuine reason, or an excuse of the meteorological variety).
I actually planned on going for a run on Sunday night...which is tonight...but I managed to screw that up as well! You see, I had to do an on-call shift on Saturday (yesterday), and that meant that today felt like the first day of the weekend. I somehow managed to completely forget that I had already used up my Saturday, and so here I am, at nearly midnight on Sunday, suddenly realising that tomorrow is Monday! Ho hum!
I wanted to get a Sunday run in, as my weight has been creeping up slightly this week, and I thought a nice bit of exercise before Monday's weigh in should bring me back down for a small loss. Alas, that's not going to happen now, so I suspect I might see a gain when I step on the scales tomorrow. It's a bit disappointing, as it will be my first gain of the year, and with my losses so far being very small, it could wipe out a fair bit of progress. But we'll see.
As I've alluded to, I have a lot to write down tonight, because tomorrow is the start of something new. I'll give it a separate post to keep each post more readable, so there's nothing really more to say for now!
I haven't really felt like posting in the last couple of weeks. In fact, I'm surprised its been two weeks - the time has just vanished, and I don't feel like I've done anything for all that time, can't think of any highs or lows, anything I've achieved, anything that would suggest two whole weeks have passed...weird.
We finally have hot water in the flat again, which means I didn't have an excuse for not running anymore. As such, I went out on Sunday night, and it was good to finally be out there again, doing something active for my health. I can't really get away with just the dieting anymore - if I eat too few calories, I just feel tired and sleepy all the time, and that affects my work. If I eat too much...well, without running, that leads to disaster.
I struggled a little with the diet last week, as I wanted to start bringing the calories up, and including some carbs. I've been living on a calorie deficit for so long, that if I try to eat to a normal, healthy 2000 calories a day, I now put on weight! I know I have to do it eventually, so started trying to ease my way back up, but it didn't really work. For some reason, if I even have just a sandwich, I turn into some kind of carb junkie, and find myself piling all manner of crap into my mouth. I was actually at a gain for last week up until Sunday night, when the run managed to bring my weight down, so I recorded a (small) loss instead.
This feels like a very flat post, and I guess I am feeling a little flat at the moment. I'm planning on going for another run tonight, now my legs have stopped aching so much (if I can get my work done in time that is). I was always a lot more enthusiastic about the weight loss when I was running...or maybe its the other way around? That question might be worth a post of its own soon!
